At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
