We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
