I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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