Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its not stalking. its research.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
