and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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