On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
