have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
