I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
