waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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