tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
