yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
