Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
