Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my being single is dangerous.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
