high people should be assigned attendants
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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