I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
