You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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