Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
