She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love having hate sex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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