Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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