I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
