He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
