just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
