would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
