I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
