I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
