theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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