Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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