Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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