I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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