You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
