I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
