I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
