My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
