Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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