things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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