He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
