it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
