1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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