We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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