True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
