well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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