he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
