I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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