you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
