Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
