I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
