Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
