do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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