So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
