dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
where am i from again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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