it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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