literally had 100 drinks last night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
