honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
