I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
