Cold hands, warm shart.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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