if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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