I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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