Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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