Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
