I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
