whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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