Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
