My first STD was from a foam party
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
