from now on my penis is your penis
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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