he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
