Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
