oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
