I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
