I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
