My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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