thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
