Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
