Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
