LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
