Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
