The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
