Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's shark week go big or go home
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
