doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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