I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
