That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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